Gratitude That Works: Evidence-Informed Practices for Doctor Moms
Jan 13, 2026
Last year around this time, I hit record and said what I’m feeling again today: I am massively grateful that I get to do what I adore—what lights me up—and that you’re part of this community. Thank you for letting me into your days: commutes, charting sprints, school pickup lines, and call rooms. You’ve told me what you’re focusing on—stability, clarity, support—and the synergy is real. So today’s question is simple and brave: Are you getting the support you need? In medicine, in mothering, in the spaces where both hats sit on the same head?
We’re living through an unpredictable season: shifting policies, stretched teams, kids who need you, aging parents who need you, and a very human nervous system in the middle. Gratitude won’t fix all of that. But practiced well, it fortifies you so you can move through it with more steadiness and less self-abandonment.
Act I — Gratitude, Reframed: From “Nice” to Necessary
We’ve been taught to treat gratitude like frosting—sweet, optional, added at the end if you have time. I want you to treat it like fuel. In brain terms, brief gratitude practices nudge attention away from constant threat scanning, ease muscle tension, and improve follow-through on the next right action. In family terms, gratitude softens the edges so you don’t pass your stress downstream. In leadership terms, it’s the cheapest culture intervention you’ll ever run.
So this November, we’re going to build a gratitude practice that holds weight, not a performative list we forget by Tuesday.
Act II — Story: The 90-Second Fork in the Hallway
A few Novembers ago, I was power-walking toward a difficult family conversation on the unit. I caught my reflection in the supply-room door: jaw tight, breath shallow, shoulders up near my ears. At the hallway fork—left to the room, right to the stairwell—I stopped. I took the right, climbed two flights slowly, and did what I now call a Thankful Micro-Audit: three breaths, then three thanks I could mean in that exact moment—“the nurse who paged early; the lab that flagged the potassium; my own feet for carrying me.” Ninety seconds later, I re-entered left. I didn’t become a different person. I became a steadier one. The conversation went better—not because I had perfect words, but because my body was no longer in a quiet emergency.
That’s the scale we’re talking about: small, honest, now.
Act III — What You’re Focusing On (Synergy Check)
From your messages, I hear three themes:
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Clarity — What actually matters this month?
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Capacity — How do I protect energy while I serve?
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Community — Where can I receive, not just give?
Gratitude intersects all three. It clarifies priorities (“this is enough”), expands capacity (less friction, more focus), and strengthens community (spoken thanks becomes social glue).
Let’s build those three with concrete tools.
Act IV — Tool 1: The Lights-Me-Up Inventory
Before the holiday sprint, name the work and home tasks that genuinely energize you.
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Say out loud: “In my work, this lights me up…” (teaching, hospice conversations done well, ultrasound wins, mentoring M3s, fixing systems).
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“At home, this lights me up…” (bedtime reading, Saturday pancakes, a 10-minute walk solo).
Now choose one energizing task to prioritize daily (micro-dose allowed) and one to protect weekly. This isn’t indulgence. It’s a stability anchor. People who feel lit from within require fewer external rewards to keep going.
Script you can borrow: “I’m designing my November around what fuels me so I can show up well for what needs me.”
Act V — Tool 2: The Support Map (3 Rings)
Draw three circles on a sticky note:
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Inner Ring — Immediate: Who can you text for a micro-assist today? (kid carpool swap, 30-minute coverage to finish notes, heat-and-eat dinner trade)
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Middle Ring — Skill: Who helps you grow? (hygienist coaching flossing hacks, financial advisor for a 20-minute check-in, PT for that nagging shoulder)
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Outer Ring — Visibility: Who amplifies your work? (department chair, community group, podcast collab partner)
Put one name in each. Text one today. Receiving is not weakness; it’s how ecosystems work.
Ask template: “I’m working on X this month and protecting my bandwidth. Could you help with Y for the next two weeks? Here’s what success would look like.”
Act VI — Tool 3: The Alignment Filter (A-L-I-G-N)
When opportunities arrive in November—collabs, committees, car-line favors—run ALIGN before you say yes.
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A — Applicable: Does this serve a real goal I have?
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L — Lightness: Do I feel even a 10% lift imagining it?
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I — Investment: What’s the true cost (time, transit, recovery)?
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G — Give/Get: What value do I give, what value do I receive?
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N — Now: Does this need to start in November?
If you don’t score at least 3 out of 5, default to a kind no. Your November is a patient; triage matters.
Boundary sentence: “Thank you for thinking of me. I’m staying aligned with two priorities this month, so I need to pass. Please keep me in mind for spring.”
Act VII — Practice: The 3×3 Gratitude (Clinic, Home, Self)
We’re going to make gratitude three-dimensional so it doesn’t become a vague “I’m grateful for everything.”
Clinic: At the end of each block, speak one specific thank-you to a colleague (name the behavior and its impact).
Home: At dinner or in the car, invite one ordinary gratitude from each person—ordinary keeps it honest.
Self: Before bed, write one sentence: “I’m proud I ____ today.” If your inner critic argues, write a second line: “A compassionate friend would add ____.”
Two minutes. Massive signal change.
Act VIII — Story: The Two-Sentence Note That Carried Me
Last November, a colleague mailed me two sentences after a tough week: “I appreciate how you stayed until the family understood the plan. I’m grateful we’re in each other’s lives.” I tucked it into my white coat. On rough days, I touched that paper before the keyboard. It didn’t solve my workload. It changed my weather. If a name just popped into your mind, write a two-sentence note tonight. You will never regret sending gratitude forward.
Act IX — The Brave Five (Tiny Daily Check-In)
When life is volatile, simplify your self-check:
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B — Breathe: Two long exhales.
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R — Recognize: Name one feeling without fixing it.
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A — Appreciate: One ordinary good thing.
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V — Value: One action aligned with your values today.
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E — Engage: One person to acknowledge out loud.
Sixty to ninety seconds. It’s the opposite of spiraling.
Act X — Guided Minute (Do this with me)
Soften your jaw. Drop your shoulders. Inhale for four… hold two… exhale for six. Again.
Quietly name three specifics you’re grateful for right now—the warmth of your mug, the nurse who spotted a trend, a kid’s unfiltered story. Feel your feet. Say, “I am supported,” even if support is still in-progress. Now picture the one tiny support request you’ll make today. See yourself sending it. Breath in… slow breath out. Done.
Act XI — Community, Collaboration, and Visibility (Without Losing Vitality)
Some of you want more interactive support—aligned invitations, collaborations, visibility to grow your extraordinary impact without trading your health. Here’s my rule of thumb: pilot before promises. Try a 30-day micro-collab with clear scope and a compassionate exit clause. Protect your Friday night. Share the sunlight.
Support is not “being saved.” Support is infrastructure. And infrastructure makes gratitude easier to access because you’re not doing it all alone.
Act XII — Closing: Gratitude as a Way of Moving
Before the new year gets any older, while the air still smells like cinnamon and possibility, let’s practice gratitude as a way of moving: honest, specific, spoken, and paired with support. I am grateful for you—your work, your listening, your willingness to choose steadiness over spectacle.
If this psot served you, pass it to one colleague who needs a soft place to land in November. Consider it a two-sentence note in audio form.
Work less. Feel more. And may your gratitude be fuel, not frosting.
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