7 Ways to Build Resilience in Tough Times (and Why It Matters for Moms in Medicine)
Oct 27, 2025
Life is full of ups and downs. Some days feel smooth, others hit like a tidal wave. For single mom physicians and executive women, those waves can come hard and fast: endless patient charts, middle-of-the-night phone calls, kids’ needs colliding with deadlines, the guilt of not being everywhere at once.
In those moments, resilience becomes less of a buzzword and more of a lifeline. It’s what allows us not just to survive adversity, but to find ways to grow stronger through it.
But here’s the truth: I used to hate the word resilience.
During the pandemic, hospital administrators used it like duct tape. They’d throw a massage chair in the staff lounge or hand us bagels and call it “building resilience.” Meanwhile, we were making heartbreaking decisions about which patients would get limited resources, while also wondering if we’d bring COVID home to our families. When I did catch it at work and gave it to my child, the system offered no safety net. That wasn’t resilience. That was moral injury.
So let me say this up front: resilience isn’t about being tougher, smiling through the pain, or accepting crumbs of support. Resilience is about finding ways to bend without breaking, to heal while still moving forward, and to live in a way that allows both strength and softness.
And yes — resilience can be built. Not with bagels, but with intention.
Here are 7 ways to build resilience in tough times — drawn from both personal experience and the wisdom of experts like Brené Brown, who reminds us, “We don’t have to do it all alone — we were never meant to.”
1. Cultivate Optimism (Even When You’re Tired)
Optimism doesn’t mean ignoring reality. It means believing setbacks are temporary and solvable. It’s what gives us the ability to say, “This moment is awful, but it won’t last forever.”
For me, optimism often starts with sleep. If I’m exhausted, I’m short-tempered and cynical. But when I’m rested, I can see people’s good intentions. That’s why optimism is inseparable from self-care.
A while back, I received one of those “clinician appreciation” emails — you know, the kind meant to patch over impossible scheduling. I looked at my calendar and saw a disaster: midnight arrival, three-hour drive, back-to-back shifts after weeks in another time zone. I emailed back and said, “No. I need this day.”
And it was glorious. I unpacked, exercised, meal-prepped, even read for pleasure. It wasn’t glamorous, but it was necessary. And I was grateful.
Try this: Each night, jot down three small things you’re grateful for. Not grand things — small ones, like a hot cup of coffee or your child’s laugh. Gratitude rewires your brain for optimism.
“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.” — Brené Brown
2. Learn Coping Mechanisms That Work for You
When stress piles up, unhealthy coping shows up: scrolling, overeating, snapping at loved ones. That’s why it’s essential to build healthy coping mechanisms.
For me, exercise is therapy. And therapy itself — real therapy — is therapy. I still schedule “tune-ups” with a cognitive behavioral therapist. Especially with my daughter’s ongoing brain injury challenges, I need tools that help me keep going without burning out.
Connection is another coping mechanism. Not whining or dumping — but honest, trusted conversations with people who understand. That’s why community matters. When you connect with others facing the same struggles, like the women in our Single Mom MD community, you learn you’re not alone — and that can make all the difference.
Try this: Write down three healthy outlets you can turn to when stress spikes — walking, journaling, calling a trusted friend. Post the list somewhere visible.
“Connection is why we’re here. It’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.” — Brené Brown
3. Build Mental Toughness with Grace
Mental toughness isn’t about being hard. It’s about flexibility — the ability to shift perspective, regulate emotions, and keep moving.
I’ve learned that if I assume everyone is doing the best they can with what they have, I don’t waste as much energy on anger. That doesn’t mean I don’t set boundaries — it means I free myself from resentment.
Mindfulness also builds toughness. Even five minutes of quiet breathing before a shift can change the way you walk into a room. It pulls you out of catastrophic thinking and into the present moment.
Try this: Before your next workday, take 3 minutes to close your eyes and breathe deeply. Say to yourself: “I am here. I am capable. I am enough.”
“Resilience is not a trait you’re born with. It’s a set of skills you can learn.” — Karen Reivich, PhD, co-author of The Resilience Factor
4. Harness a Growth Mindset
A growth mindset — the belief that abilities can be developed through effort — is essential for resilience. It reframes failures as lessons and obstacles as opportunities.
After the 9/11 attacks, I was assigned as the NBC coordinator in Baton Rouge — Nuclear, Biologic, Chemical threats. Terrifying, right? But they gave us the tools, stockpiles, and systems to protect our families. That infrastructure allowed us to do our jobs, even under impossible circumstances.
A growth mindset doesn’t eliminate fear, but it keeps you moving forward anyway.
Try this: When you catch yourself thinking, “I can’t do this,” add one word: “yet.” It’s amazing how “yet” opens the door to growth.
5. Prioritize Physical Health
Resilience isn’t just mental — it’s physical. Your body can’t carry you through challenges if it’s running on fumes.
Exercise, nutrition, and sleep aren’t luxuries. They are resilience in action. A brisk walk listening to Brené Brown podcasts in Dublin has saved me more than once — movement clears my head, lifts my mood, and reminds me that life is bigger than my current stress.
Try this: Treat sleep like a prescription. Write yourself an “Rx” for 7–8 hours. Protect it the way you’d protect a patient’s treatment plan.
Research from Harvard shows regular exercise reduces risk of depression and anxiety by up to 25%.
6. Set SMART Goals
Overwhelm is the enemy of resilience. When life feels like one giant, tangled knot, the solution is small, deliberate steps.
SMART goals — Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound — give you structure and progress. Instead of “I’ll finish all my charts,” set a goal: “I’ll finish two charts before bedtime.” That’s progress. And progress fuels motivation.
Try this: Take one overwhelming task on your plate and break it into three smaller goals. Celebrate when you check them off.
7. Embrace Challenges and Learn from Setbacks
Resilient people don’t see failure as permanent. They see it as information.
I’ve had contracts collapse, heartbreaking parenting moments, and career detours that felt like walls.
But every setback taught me something — about myself, my values, or what needed to change.
Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, wrote:
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
That’s resilience.
Try this: The next time something goes wrong, ask: “What now?” instead of “Why me?”
Why Resilience Matters
Resilience doesn’t make life easy. It makes life possible. For moms in medicine, resilience is the difference between being flattened by adversity and finding a way through it with your identity intact.
And let’s be clear: resilience isn’t built by hospital administrators handing you bagels. It’s built by you — step by step, choice by choice, day by day. It’s cultivated through optimism, coping skills, mental toughness, growth mindset, physical health, goal setting, and the willingness to embrace challenges.
It matters because our kids are watching. It matters because our patients need us whole. It matters because we deserve to thrive, not just survive.
Final Reflection
Resilience is not about being unbreakable. It’s about bending without snapping. It’s about finding light in the cracks, strength in the struggle, and hope in the hard days.
So to every mom balancing medicine, motherhood, and a mountain of expectations: you are already more resilient than you know. And with these tools, you can build even more — not to please the system, but to protect your own well-being and to create a life that feels strong, purposeful, and yours.
📌 Want more support? Join the Single Mom MD community — where resilience isn’t a buzzword, it’s a practice we build together.
Calling all remarkable women physicians and single moms!
Join our thriving Single Mom MD community today and unlock the support you need to conquer financial challenges, master time management, embrace a positive mindset, and excel in parenting.
Together, we'll elevate each other to new heights of success and fulfillment. Don't wait - your empowered future starts here!
Stay connected with news and updates!
Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from our team.
Don't worry, your information will not be shared.
We hate SPAM. We will never sell your information, for any reason.
